Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
