if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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