I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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