what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
