Kiss
Puke
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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