So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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