Soap is not a condiment
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Randomize
