I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
