My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
