the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
