wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
