A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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