JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
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