after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
