got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
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Vodka?
Forever.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize