When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Randomize
