I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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