Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I need moral support for this bender
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
