Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
