Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
