yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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