If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
