i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
