bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
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