I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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