What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
did i just pee glitter
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
