Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
The air was thick with penises
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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