Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
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Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
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He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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