I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
