Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
