do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I'm passing your future prison.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
