I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize