You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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