God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
