my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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