I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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