shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
