she's into porn, im staying here tonight
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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