I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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