I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
