As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
