Plan B is the new Plan A
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
