My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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