i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
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he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
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