So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They took my balls.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize