I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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