Just mADE A PArabola og urine
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
