gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
