wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
