Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
