Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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