garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
