It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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