there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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