If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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