i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
You are the jesus of drinking
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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