and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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