I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I need a beard to bite.
He shit in the fireplace
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
