Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
