Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
