Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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