Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
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I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
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Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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