I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
